Everyone, although no doubt regrettably,  knows those lyrics.  But why collaborate?  Does he even know what collaborate means?  How does that even fit?…but I digress.

I know it has been a while, but I have vowed to try to keep up with this blog again for all of my fans… (crickets)  LOL!!

Its no secret to those who know me that number 5 on my list of passions (right behind Family, hunting, food and LSU football) is, of course, beer.  And not that clear, tasteless, bubbly crap we used to drink in dixie cups at our high school keggers.  I’m talking malty, hoppy, heavy, intense, nectar of the gods deliciousness that is considered craft beer.  Over the past 3-4 years, the “craft beer movement” as many have called it, has really taken Louisiana by storm.  It seems that breweries, brewpubs, draught houses and the like are popping up all over our great state.  But, this craft beer movement is nothing new to the rest of the country.  It all started with Fritz Maytag at Anchor Brewing many many years ago and has blown through the U.S. countryside like the amber waves of grain that serve as its main ingredient.  The movement has become so popular that some breweries, due to their unique styles and characteristics,  have developed almost a cult following; i.e. Dogfish Head, Rogue Brewery, Sierra Nevada, New Belgium, Stone Brewing, Brooklyn Brewery and locally NOLA, Abita, and others.  Fueled by their popularity, it has become popular amongst brewmasters to get together and do a collaboration brew created jointly by separate brewing minds.  All of these collaborations are unique and most are really really good.

This past weekend, one of our Louisiana breweries, NOLA Brewing released their collaboration with Stone Brewing out of Escondido, California aptly named “Pour Me Something Mistah” for its release just a little more than a week before Mardi Gras.  I had a chance to make the unveiling at The Barley Oak in Mandeville, LA this Sunday.  The beer was billed as a “an 8% imperial porter with Steens molasses and local satsuma orange peels.”   My first reaction as I took the first sip was exactly “It tastes like a Stone/NOLA collaboration.”  Although I would put it more in the Cascadian Ale or Black IPA style rather than a porter, this beer caters to malt and hops lovers alike.  Its dark brown color and almost copper head tell the tale of rich dark roasted malts and molasses.  The nose carries beautiful roasted notes along with a hint of citrusy hops hiding in the background slightly magnified by the native Louisiana satsuma peel.  The finish is slightly unbalanced to the bitter, giving the beer that punch on the back end that thrills true hop heads, and is a specific trait of almost all Stone brews.  The smooth mouthfeel, low carbonation and fresh flavors are indicative of NOLA beers.  The beer’s deep, dark heartiness make it perfect for these extra couple weeks of winter predicted  by Puxatawney Phil a couple weeks ago.

One would have to assume that this brew will be in short supply, so I would suggest finding a local pub that is carrying this unique creation and give it a try before it is gone forever.  (Two spots that I know have it are The Barley Oak on the lakefront in Mandeville, LA and The Avenue Pub on St. Charles Ave. in New Orleans, LA.)

Support your local breweries.

Brewsard…out

Hello friends.  Thanksgiving has snuck up on us again and I can honestly say, I have soooooo very much to be thankful for this year.  I mean I have a good job, a beautiful family, a (mostly) healthy body, great friends, my Tigers are in the National Championship hunt…  I could go on and on.  Of course, we all know and appreciate the true meaning behind Thanksgiving, right?  I mean, if it weren’t for the generosity of those Native Americans, we probably wouldn’t be here today.  Of course, not many years later, we returned that favor by all but wiping them off the face of the earth, but that’s my beef and a conversation for another day…  Anyway, we celebrate by recreating the great feast of that day and reflecting on our good fortunes.  BUT…lets face it.  To most people, especially coon-asses, it is our favorite Holiday because of the food, right?  Its all so wonderful.  Oh, the turkey and cornbread dressing, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberry relish… my mouth is watering.  I just about like them all.  My family has never been guilty of being picky when it comes to food.  They have also never been guilty of putting out a subpar product.  This is evident every time I look in the mirror, lol.  But almost every family has some unique offering that stands out amongst the rest.  Well, for me, it is a simple, kind of strange, but always delectable dish called pineapples au gratin.  That’s right boys and girls…Pineapples with cheese.  Think it sounds gross?  Well, I dare you to try it.  Its something about the tart sweetness of pineapple with a salty sharp cheddar cheese…yum.  Anyway, if you want to try something new this year that is really easy and de-freaking-licious, give this recipe a shot:

Ingredients:

• 1-pineapple peeled and diced (can replace with 1 can of diced pineapple drained)
• 1-roll of ritz crackers
• 1/4 cup of flour
• 1/4 cup of sugar
• 1 cup or so of sharp cheddar cheese
• 1/2 – 3/4 stick of butter cut into tabs

Directions:

• Place pineapples in a small casserole dish and mix in about half of the cheese.
• Mix flour and sugar and sprinkle over pineapples until all are coated.
• Crush up crackers and sprinkle on top.
• Spread the rest of the cheese on top.
• Spread tabs of butter randomly on top.
• Bake at 350 for about 15-20 minutes.

Sorry, no pictures.  I’ll try to get some up next week.

Brewsard…out.

One of the best things about my parents’ new farm is the beautiful new venue to host parties.  My family and I have always seemed to be natural hosts.  We love to entertain, cook, socialize.  Most of that comes with being coon-ass, I guess, but I know for me, personally, I have always enjoyed gathering up friends and family.  The trouble for me is, I have never had the space, nor the venue.  Well, the farm gives us all of that.  With the rolling hills and woods for exploring on the golfcart, the stocked pond for fishing, the beautiful outdoor kitchen for cooking and gathering, the acres and acres of yard for outdoor games and animals, it’s just perfect.

Recently, we had the absolute pleasure of hosting a wedding shower for my best friend in the whole world (besides my wife and baby of course), Joe Richard who is marrying the lovely Miss Celyna Sigman, who we just adore.  We were going through theme ideas and all I could think about was doing a whole pig in a cajun microwave.  So, I suggested “Luau”.  Why not?  A cajun microwave is very similar to cooking in the ground.  I mean, its the same basic principle.  And, luau is perfect.  The main thing is the pig.  Whip up a few sauces (my specialty).  Have a salad and a side or two.  Make “boat drinks” and voila, luau.

So, I borrowed a cajun microwave from a good friend of mine, got a 50 # pig from a local meat market and away we went.

Below is a photographic step by step depiction of the process used.  I must say, and I think everyone there would agree, it came out absolutely delicious.  I guess I should warn you, some of the pictures are a little graphic, but its a whole pig.  What do you expect?

Step 1 - Butterfly the Pig

The pig has to be butterflyed for proper cooking.  The easiest way I find to do this is to have a big gorilla like Yankee friend who just pushes down and breaks the ribs right along the spine.  You only have to break them on one side and either side is fine.

Step 2 - Inject

This step is actually optional.  Since this is a whole pig, you may want to inject a little extra flavor.  We used my homemade sweet and sour sauce.  An excellent choice, but that recipe…in the words of Alton Brown…is another show.

Step 3 - Score the Skin

It’s a good idea to score the skin before seasoning/cooking.  Not only does it help the seasonings to get into the meat, but it helps in the cooking process as well.

Step 4a - Rub

Step 4b - Rub

The reason I split step 4 into 2 pictures is that I wanted to stress the importance of rubbing the entire pig.  You should rub all over, bottom and top.  My seasonings of choice were 1- Steen’s Cane Syrup (you can see the jar in picture 4a) and 2- A generous helping of Old Bay Seasoning.  And, when I say generous, we basically used a whole can.  The Steen’s serves 2 purposes:  first – it gives that sweet caramelization which is delicious, especially on pork; and second – it helps hold the dry rub on the pig.

Step 5 - Place in box

There she is.  Ready to go.  Notice in the bottom left leg, the digital thermometer.  This is very important when slow cooking.  There is no way to truly time this thing.  You have to go by doneness and the best way to do that is to drill a hole in the side of your box and slip a digital thermometer probe through and into the pig.  I would also like to point out that we moved the thermometer from the back leg to the front.  After 3 hours of cooking, the hind quarter hit 160 degrees, and that just didn’t seem correct.  So, we busted it open, set it in the front shoulder and it read 142.  Lesson learned: Go with the front shoulder.

Step 6: Fill cover with charcoal and light

My dad probably won’t be happy about this, but I had to post this pic.  This is how a coon-ass lights charcoal.  Notice the large flame?  Yes, that is a flame thrower that my dad is holding.  In the immortal words of Tim Allen, “Uh uh uhhhh!!!”  On a more technical note, besides the thermometer in the pig itself, there is a thermometer in the side of the box to monitor temperature inside the microwave.  I like to keep it at about 225, very similar to operating a smoker.  The key is, if you are too cool, pile the charcoal up.  If you are too hot, spread them out.

Step 7 - Wait

By far the hardest step in this process.  I think it took about 4.5 hours, but again, you should not go by time for this.  Every box is different, every charcoal is different, every pig is different.  Do yourself a favor and get a decent thermometer.  They are worth every penny.

Step 8a - Check and Remove

Step 8b - Check and Remove

Once that beautiful baby hits about 165 F, you can go ahead and open the lid and check it.  I like to poke it with the thermometer in a couple more places to see if it is done.  If it is, go ahead and take it out and set it on your picking table.

Step 9a - Pick and Serve

Step 9b - Pick and Serve

Step 9c - Pick and Serve

Although this part  is, by far, the most labor intensive, it is also, by far, the most rewarding.  To be fortunate enough to indulge in this sweet, succulent god worthy fodder just after it is pulled from its cooking vessel is all the reward one could possibly need.  The smell, the taste…absolutely heavenly.  Plus, you get first crack at all the good stuff: the snout, the cheeks, the skin…absolutely delicious.  And, of course, any meal is always better with a nice glass of Brewsard’s Oktoberfest (pic 9c), a wonderful combination.

I hope the dead pig doesn’t bother too many people and I hope this is helpful for some.

Brewsard…out!!

Ah…September. It has to be my favorite month of the year. So much anticipation almost to the point of anxiety. All of my favorite seasons start around September. There is the upcoming hunting season, for which I am particularly excited. Through a little bit of preseason sweat and dirt, we are finally set up properly at “the farm” with a new deer stand and proper positioning of the old one. The fall fishing season at the farm also appears promising with the bass and perch really starting to have some size to them.  Of course, there is college football season with my Tigers every Saturday. And I’ll probably sneak in a Saints game or two. September is the first month that ends in -er, and we coon-asses know what that means…oyster season. O, and did I mention someone has a birthday in September?…ahem, its the 21st and I do accept gifts. But, by far, my favorite part of the month of September, as that first cool front cuts through those 100 degree days like a hot knife through butter…GUMBO SEASON!! That’s right, gumbo has a season. And, although I don’t always follow it strictly (sometimes I just want gumbo in July), nothing warms you to the core on those cold fall days like a hot bowl of roux’y chicken and sausage goodness. So, in honor of the action packed month of September, here is my almost perfect recipe for simple chicken and sausage gumbo. The best thing about this recipe is you can make the process as simple or involved as you want. Throughout the recipe, I’ll slip in my suggestions on “shortcuts”. Of course, the long way is always best, but time is precious, I know. Well. Without further adieu…

1- Whole fryer Chicken

1-Can of beer

2-3 tablespoons Steen’s cane syrup

2 lbs of your favorite smoked sausage

1- whole onion

1- green bell pepper

4- stalks of celery

2 gallons of water (approximate)

1/2 cup a. p. flour

1/2 cup vegetable oil

3 bay leaves

a handfull of chopped parsley or so

your favorite all purpose Cajun seasoning (I like old bay)

2 tablespoons gumbo file’ (if you like it)

Procedure:

• Prepare the chicken drunken style.  Open the beer and drink about half of it.  (don’t you dare throw it out).  This doesn’t have to be any special beer, although it doesn’t hurt.  I recommend an amber beer like shiner bock or Abita (although you’ll have to use a different can and pour it in).  VERY CAREFULLY, cut the top off of the beer and add cane syrup, 1 bay leaf, and some cajun seasoning to the beer.  Pat the chicken dry with a paper towel and sprinkle with seasoning.  Place chicken on beer can as shown in picture. (it helps if you have one of those stands)  Cook in 400°F grill for 1-1.5 hrs until just about done, so its not quite falling off of the bone.  Let cool.

NOTE Shortcut #1:  If you want to skip this step, just get yourself a rotisserie chicken from your local grocery store.  It works just fine.

• Debone chicken and remove all the skin. Place all bones, carcass, and skin in a stock pot. Add the water until it covers the carcass and boil. (For those who don’t know, this is a basic chicken stock.) I like to use this method because a)I don’t like bones in my gumbo, but b) all the flavor is on the skin and in the bones. It takes a little time, but you get all of the flavor with none of the aggravation. Once all of the flavor has been rendered (about 2-4 hours) strain out stock into a bowl and put aside, discarding the bones and skin. This can be done the night before.

NOTE Shortcut #2:  If you want to skip this step, (although it literally breaks my heart to suggest this) just get some chicken stock at the store.  Its ok, but not the same.  You will have to add more seasoning at the end.  I’ll explain this a bit later.

• Cut up your sausage into small bite size slices and place in your gumbo pot, preferably black iron. Brown over medium to medium high heat until you get a nice oil skin on the bottom of the pot. Once this is accomplished, remove sausage from pot and set aside. (Note: If you don’t have a black iron pot, get one please. It really makes a difference.)

• The Roux- Ok, again, even though it breaks my heart to say this, if you feel like you must use the pre-packaged roux, I guess that is what you have to do. I must let you know though, it is easier than you think. You add the flour and oil to the pot. Stir the mixture until the flour and oil are completely mixed. Brown over medium heat, watching and stirring when needed so as not to burn, until it is the color of an old penny. It usually takes about 5-10 minutes depending on you stove and your pot. I will also say that black iron helps greatly in roux making because of the way it distributes heat. It is easy to burn a roux in a stainless steel pot, but almost impossible (if you watch it) to do in black iron.  Another piece of advice is do not rush it.  Set youreslf a little time to cook.  You may even enjoy it.  Also, some of you might be saying, “That’s not enough roux.”  I, personally think that a gumbo should not be a thick, dark, over nutty, bisquy mess.  I like my gumbo to be light and delicate to your eyes, but then bust you in the mouth when you aren’t looking.

NOTE Shortcut #3:  If you must, use packaged roux, but would it kill you to try?

• When the roux is the proper color, add the vegetables and stir in so that they are coated in the roux. The roux will clump around the vegetables, this is ok, just make sure it is well distributed. Sweat the vegetables until they are soft (about 20 minutes).  If the roux starts to stick to the bottom, turn your fire down a bit and add some liquid.  I like beer, of course because it is normally conveniently found resting comfortably in my right hand, but you can add water or some of the stock.  Just a little bit, maybe .25 cup.

NOTE Shortcut #4:  If you don’t like to chop vegetables, shame on you…Just joking.  But if you don’t, just use a small container of a fresh cut seasoning mix like Guidry’s

• When the vegetables are soft, add stock and bay leaves and stir. Let this simmer for about 15 minutes stirring occasionally.

• Add sausage back in and add file’ and stir. Let simmer for about 30 minutes stirring occasionally.

• Taste and season accordingly. You shouldn’t need much if you made homemade stock because of the seasoning that was on the chicken skin
  

  I love Paprika

  which transferred over to the stock.  If you are doing the store boughtstock method, you will have to add.

• Add chicken and let simmer for about 15 minutes. ( I add the chicken close to the end so that it doesn’t fall apart)

• Serve on top of rice.

And, always remember, recipes are meant to be guidelines, not bible.  So, customize this bad boy for you.  If you like more roux, use more.  If you like it spicy, add some cayenne.  If you don’t like file’, leave it out.  If you like tomatoes…wait.  I can’t condone that.  Don’t you dare put tomatoes in a gumbo.  But, I can tell you, this is just the way I like it.

Ca c’est bon, mon amis.

Brewsard…out

What is better than bread pudding?  Not very much, in my opinion.  I can remember growing up my dad was the sandwich king.  (stay with me)  Every now and then, he would go to the store on a Saturday and come home with French bread, salami, roast beef, pastrami, ham, turkey, cheeses, lettuce, tomato, chips…  He would pile it so high, I could barely see over it sitting at the counter as a young tike.  He truly was, and I would guess still is, a sandwich artist.  But he would always buy 2 loaves of French bread.  For a long time, I wondered why.  As a child, it never struck me that on Wednesday of those weeks, we were eating bread pudding for dessert.  You see, my dad was no fool.  Although I’m sure he loved those good ole po-boy style sandwiches, his mind was on that Wednesday bread pudding.  My mother would make the bread pudding though.  It never had any nuts or raisins or pineapples or even a sauce on it.  Just 6 simple ingredients: egg, butter, milk, vanilla, sugar  and Rouse’s French bread.  And that’s always been the way I like it.  Hold the nuts, fruit and sauce.  I just want bread pudding.

So, recently, an interesting opportunity presented itself.  My homebrew club put on a beer/cheese pairing event and I was  challenged to come up with a beer infused dessert to serve at the end.  And thus, my experiments with beer had begun.  So, by now you know I love beer and I love food.  So…why not combine them, right?  Like cooking with wine.  Not so fast…  The tricky thing about beer is as you reduce it, you concentrate the bitterness of the hops.  Now, we all know that hops are added to the beer in the brewing process to balance the extreme sweetness of the malted barley.  So, they are very bitter in flavor which makes cooking with beer a delicate thing.

I initially went through a few ideas in my head that were, what I would call, cop-outs.  Beer floats…been done…beer brownies…boring…  I needed something new, something inventive.  Bread pudding?.?.?.  I mean, its simple, its delicious.  You won’t get a lot of reduction in the beer.  There is plenty of sweetness in it to balance the hops.  This could work.  Now what beer.  It would have to be a Belgian or German wheat beer.  There are so many natural flavors in these styles that would be desirable in a bread pudding: nutmeg, cinnamon, banana, hints of citrus, etc.

So,through just a small amount of experimentation, the below recipe was born.  It was a hit at our event.  Try it out and it could do the same for yours.

Ingredients:

• 1 loaf of stale good french bread – I prefer Rouse’s
• 1.5 cups milk
• 1.5 cups good beer (either a heffeweizen or belgian double.  Something with a lot of spiciness.  I used Dominus Vobiscum Belgian Double.  1 taste of this beer, and you’ll know why)
• 4 eggs
• 1 tablespoon vanilla
• 1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/2 stick of butter
• 1 cup of sugar
• 1/4 cup of steen’s cane syrup

Process:

• Cut bread into slices about 1.5″-2″ thick and lay in a 9 x 13 casserole dish or a pan making sure it is packed in tight.
•  In a mixing bowl, whisk eggs with 1/4 cup of sugar to cream a bit.
• Add in milk, beer, vanilla, allspice, nutmeg, 1/4 more cup of sugar, and steen’s.  Mix well.
• Pour mixture on top of bread and allow to sit at room temperature for 2-3 hours or until absorbed.
• Once fully absorbed, add tabs of butter every so often around the top of the bread.  This does not have to be perfect.  Just try to spread them evenly.
• Sprinkle remaining sugar on top of bread.
• Bake on 350 for 25-30 minutes or until top is browned and crispy.

Oh…I almost forgot.  The brown stuff is also a dessert made with beer.  That’s a Rogue Mocha Porter sorbet.  But, in the words of Alton Brown, “that is a whole other show.”

Please, let me know if you try it and how it comes out.

Brewsard…out

For those those of you who don’t already know, I have a tremendous passion for beer and the art of brewing.  In fact, I have extended that passion as far as to sink my teeth into homebrewing, which I have been doing for about 2 years.  It gives you that creative control the same way cooking does with food.  And brewing is, essentially, cooking after all.  And, much like food, I love all beer.  Black/white/red/brown/bitter/malty/fruity/spicy, I don’t care.  I appreciate and love all types.  And, this ever evolving passion operates as the catalyst for continuing this journey to become a professional chef and brewer.

More and more I am finding that I am not the only one with this passion.  It seems the craft beer movement is catching on in Louisiana as it has been in the rest of the country.  And it should.  Every time I look around, I find information on  a new event showcasing this delicious nectar of the gods here in Cajun Country.  And of course, the hotbed of South Louisiana festival activity that is Acadiana is no different.  That’s why this Saturday, July 23, just as they have the past 4 years, Lafayette’s Acadiana Center for the Arts is holding their annual event known as Gulf Brew.  Its a festival of sorts celebrating one of my favorite things in the entire world, Craft Beer.  And you won’t find any BMC here. (that’s what beer people refer to the “big 3″ as.  Here’s a hint ___ light)  O, no.  What you will find are over 100 different craft brews from all around the world, including a special treat.  3 homebrew clubs from around south Louisiana, namely: The Dead Yeast Society-Lafayette, Mystic Krewe of Brew – The Northshore (my club), and Brasseurs a la Maison – Baton Rouge, will be offering their own homemade libations for all to taste and savor.  There will also be music and food.  Plus, it is all to benefit the Acadiana Center for the Arts, a non-profit organization who’s mission is “To create, facillitate, nurture and fund arts and cultural activities to enrich quality of life and place.”

You can see the full beer list, music lineup and ticket and other information at the website here.

If I weren’t working this event, this is what I would do:

• First, get a pre-taster ticket.  That extra hour is invaluable.  Once the people pile in, its a mad house.  And, the hombre clubs run out early.  Which leads me to my next point.
• I would seek out the homebrew clubs first.  There is a 99% chance you will never be able to taste these beers again.  Even if someone brought the “same beer” next year, consistency is so difficult in homebrewing that it wouldn’t be the “same beer”.
• Next, I would seek out the local breweries.  I believe whole heartedly in supporting local breweries.  So I would go to Parish, LA 31, Heiner Brau, Tin Roof, Lazy Magnolia and Abita first.  Even if you have had these beers, the chances of them having something special is high.  You never know when you can get a dry hopped, cask conditioned Abita Satsuma Wit.  I’m not saying they’ll have it, but I can tell you it does exist.  Which leads me to my next point.
• If you see Cask Conditioned, get it.  Its probably something you have never tried and it is great.  Cask Conditioned simply means that the beer was aged in a wooden cask and is served uncarbonated and usually close to room temp.  You might say, “Wait, I like my beer cold.”  Just trust me on this…
• Do your homework before you get there.  Look at the beer list and get a gameplan.  Again, its a mad house in there.  If you see a beer that looks interesting, google it.  www.Beeradvocate.com is a great resource for beer information.
• Get a designated driver.  This one seems obvious to some.  Some might say, “Its just little samples.  I’ll be ok.”  Trust me, these are not 3-4% alc beers that most are used to.  They will sneak up on you.  Also, there will be a bike corral sponsored by bike lafayette.

So please, if you like craft beer and are looking for something to do this weekend, head on down to Parc Internationale, Downtown Lafayette for this tremendous fundraising event.  And come by and see me.  I’ve got something really special brewed up for this one.  And, in the words of Henryk Orlik at Heiner Brau, Laissez les bon Temps Versez!!

Brewsard

The wife and I seem to always be driving on the weekends.  To Lafayette, to Ethel, to Chackbay, to Prairieville…  It seems to never end.  Pack our entire house in the truck (those who are parents know what I’m talking about) and make the trek to whatever of these places we are visiting for the weekend.  There just never seems to be a silver lining with the stopping for gas, stopping for something to drink, crying baby, “she’s probably hungry, should I feed her?”, blah, blah, blah.  And, of course there is never anything on the radio.

Well a couple of weeks ago,  as we prepared for our Saturday mid day journey to the in-law’s in Lafayette,  we intently contemplated our stop for lunch.  Well, I did anyway.  The wife was more worried about less important things like diapers for the baby and clothes for me.  All of a sudden, like a bolt of lightning, it hits me.  “We’ll be in Baton Rouge at lunch time…American Market, not doubt.”  For my LSU alum readers, this should bring back some memories.

Stuck in one of the oldest “strip mall/shopping center” type buildings just off the south end of LSU campus right at the corner of Nicholson and Lee Dr., American Market is a little convenient store with all the college essentials and more. As we pull in to the parking lot, my mouth is already watering.  I walk up to the counter and ponder my selection.  There is a basic deli menu with about 6-7 choices of meats and 3 or 4 cheeses.  Quickly,  I remember that there is no choice.  There is one sandwich that reins supreme over the others.   “Can I help you?”  “2 Cajun Turkeys with American cheese.”  Just saying it brings back memories.  (O, I almost forgot to mention that this was extra special because my darling wife recently cast off the shackles of vegetarianism, so this would be her first experience.)  As I wait for my sandwich, I walk around and scope out the scene.  Although the owners have changed since I was there last, it seems nothing else has.   The shelves are so close together that you can barely navigate the aisles.  They have an extensive wine/liquor/beer selection, naturally.  Besides that, the shelves are climbing with everything from chips to laundry detergent, candy to 10 different types of headache meds.  They also boast an incredible soft drink selection.  I can remember my freshman year at LSU picking up a 6 pack of Jolt Cola (which I believe was illegal at the time) and getting all hopped up on caffeine with my buddy Coon as we proceeded to drink the entire 6 pack in a matter of minutes.  Ah…good times.  Oddly enough, there is a nice selection of cigars, the case of which is covered with autographed pictures and newspaper clippings donated by former LSU athletes who frequented A M mart and have since gone on to successful careers in the NFL, MLB, and NBA.

I walk over to the fountain drink machine and i see the hand written sign that says, just as it did so long ago, “32 oz drink $.89 with sandwich.”  I pour myself a root beer and continue to browse.  Then, finally, they call my name.  I pay and the man hands me a white paper bag with a yellow post-it that says Jason (just as I remember).  Back in the car, I can barely stand it.  The wife removes it from the aluminum/paper wrapper (again, just as I remember it) and there it is.  So deliciously assembled, this sandwich is no joke.  A perfectly proportioned helping of Cajun style sliced turkey breast topped with cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickle, diced onions, mayo and mustard on a 12″ french loaf.  But here is the kicker…they put the whole sandwich in a giant Panini press which does a couple of things.  First, it lightly toasts the bread so you get that nice cracker crust on the outside.  I know, I know. I have stated before that too crunchy of a crust is not necessarily desirable for me.  Its something about the way the press smushes (very technical culinary term) the bread at the same time.  It causes it to have the texture of…say…a thin calzone…kind of.  Anyway, secondly, it melts the cheese just right so that it is soft, but not oozing. And last, but certainly not least, it does something with the mayo, mustard, tomato and pickle juices and onions to form an absolutely heavenly sauce.  Those who know me well know how I feel about sauce.  So, of course, that part is my favorite and very hard to explain.  And, of course, each sandwich comes with an individual bag of Zapp’s potato chips.

So next time you are in old BR and on the south end of LSU campus, please do yourself a favor and pass by the little convenient store on the corner of Nicholson and Lee and order you up a sandwich.  You will not be disappointed.

O, I almost forgot.  The only disappointing piece of the whole experience was the new owners.  Not that they are bad in any way, it’s just that they aren’t the same.  There was always the greeting after you paid that was part of the whole A M Mart experience.  So, for old time’s sake, those who have been there say it with me, “Appreciate you.  Enjoy your sandwich…”

Brewsard…out

And, here it is.  The part you all want to know…

I cooked on the last day.  My cooking went ok.  The stove wasn’t as hot as I would have liked so I fell behind about 5 or 10 minutes.  That doesn’t seem like much, but when you are trying to do something that will require every second you are given, its an eternity.  I was worried about my rabbit being cooked all the way.  Was it?  I was about to find out.  So, I’ve got my cart and I’m walking down this hallway.  My mind is going a million miles a second because I’m nervous, of course.  Nervous because I’m not 100% confident in my dish.  Nervous because of the judges.  Nervous because there is so much riding on this one dish.  Nervous because I’m just not sure if I’m ready for this…I could go on and on.  So, I turn this corner and more doors open.  And there they are, but they are about 100 yards away (felt like 2 miles).  I think to myself, “When do I say hello? I mean, I am mic’ed and they have earbuds.  Do I wait until I’m closer?  How loud should I say it?  Oh crap, I’m at the station already.”  And that was it.  I was completely flustered from that point on.  My Masterchef journey was essentially ended because my brain wouldn’t shut up and let my mouth just work on its own.  And, that’s why most of my time in that room is really a blur, but I’ll try to hit the high points.

I walk up and say, “I have made smothered rabbit on cheese grits, or as my grandmother would say ‘Lapin Etouffe sur Gris du Fromage’”.  Gordon starts talking to me in French and I don’t even attempt to decipher it because I’m so nervous.  I say, “Non, non, non.  Je comprende a little francais d’acadienne.”  Graham says something like, “I have no idea what ya’ll are talking about but it sounds cool.”  So, I start to pull my items off the cart and I’m fumbling around and I hear Gordon say, “You look lost.”  to which I replied, “I feel lost.”  He responded with something like, “Well you better get it together.  You have about 4.5 minutes left.  What are you going to do for us?”  First thing I bust out is my black iron pot.  “A campfire?”  he says.  I reply with a general retort of, “No…not today.”  Then comes the parsley for chopping.  “Wow, a bag of herbs!!”  “Yes, but there is more, I promise.”  At that point, I got a little more focused on the dish.  They were asking me questions, but I can’t remember what they were.  All I remember was…parsley chopped, plate out, ring form out, grits in ring form (Bastianich: “Wow, you have pretty good plating technique.  You sure you haven’t worked at one of Gordon’s 3 star restaurants?” “No, but I would love to…” I’m still not sure if he was serious or mocking me), gravy on, rabbit on, more gravy on top, parsley on, french bread cut, little drizzle of steen’s…done.  GR: “Your time is up, but what about that?” “What about what?”  GR:”Oh God…”  All 3 of them: “The Ale?”  “O shit…”  GR: “Come on!”.  (At this point, you may or may not know that besides food, I also have a passion for beer.  I am a homebrewer and that was something I wanted to showcase.  They allowed me to bring a homebrew into the judges room to serve with my dish.  It was an Irish Red Ale and, I must say, was pretty darn good.)  So, I open the beer and pour it into the 3 rocks glasses and I’m done.  Phew…that did not go all that well.  God I hope the rabbit is done.  The first one up is Graham Elliot.  He walks up and the first thing he says is something like, “Its pretty ballsy to try to do rabbit in an hour.  Rabbit is something you want to do slow and low so that it is really ‘fall off the bone tender’.  Have you cooked rabbit before?” “I do it all the time.  Its one of my favorite meats.  I’ve only done it in an hour twice.  Once it was perfect, once it wasn’t.” (cuts into the rabbit) “Yeah, you see how its kind of sticking to the bone?  It should just come apart.  Its even still a little pink near the bone there.  Did you butcher the rabbit yourself?” “Of course.”  “Nice.  Did you use the bones to make a stock or anything?”  “No, i used packaged chicken stock.”  (What I should have said here was, “No, I cooked them bone in in the gravy so that it would make its own stock.” just another one of those little regrets)  “The grits are seasoned nicely and they go well.”  Points at the bread, “This is interesting.”  “Its something my mother used to give us as kids.  The raw cane syrup is one of my favorite ingredients.  I use it in just about everything.”  “Its a little sweet.  Like a dessert.”  Points at the glass of beer, “Now that is what I am looking forward to.”  He picks it up and swirls it around.  Sniffs it, “Hmmm.”  He takes a sip and then puts the glass down.  He looks at me, looks back at the beer, then looks at me and points at the glass and says, “That…is delicious.”  “Thank you Chef!!”  GR is up next.  “Ok…here we go.  What else do you like to cook?  So you are an oil and gas engineer, right?  Why would you want to be a chef?  How long have you been cooking?…”  I have no idea what my answers were because all I could think was, “Gordon f*&%$’ing Ramsay is eating something that I cooked!!”  He tastes the food and doesn’t really say much but, “Damn.” (and not in a good way)  At this point I basically know what my verdict is.  I mean, no drama, and my food isn’t perfect.  I start to feel let down a bit.  So, then he tries the beer and says,”Wow…nice,” then walks back to his chair.  Bastianich comes next, but he literally said nothing.  He ate 4 grits and a crumb of the bread and just gave me the stare.

I’m pretty sure my fate was already determined at that point.  There was a strange pause that, looking back, was probably my chance to beg and plead and express some emotion.  But I did and said nothing.  (Regret)  Joe said no then Graham said,  “Well being a brewer I would think you should have a better appreciation for time…so for me, its a no also.”  Then Gordon says, “Well, unfortunately for you, today you did not pull the rabbit out of the hat.”

So that’s my story.  My 2 seconds of fame.  On the upside, Graham Elliot said my beer was delicious!!!  Like I’ve said before, I went into this thing as myself and only myself, take it or leave it.  Nothing about me says lie, cheat, scream, cry, etc just to get on television.  In the end, for me, it was just about the food and my food just didn’t cut it.  Graham was right, its near impossible to do rabbit in an hour.  I knew that.  I knew that 9 out of 10 times that rabbit would be undercooked.  I was just hoping that that 1 good one would have been in L.A.

C’est La Vie….